Drunk blogging!

Well, I know it's been a while since I've posted anything . . .

Drunk blogging!

I can tell you something--you should never drink a bottle of wine and then sit down to study chemistry . . . b/c chemistry isn't all that gripping to begin with and then . . . I'm tired.

I heard a story yesterday about . . . this is a true story . . . about a giant fat black gay man named Precious, who, at a party, accidentally sat upon the host's wee little dog that was on the couch . . . and I asked--did he even notice--and George said, yes, because when he got up to leave he stuffed the dog in his purse.

His PURSE!

Today all of campus smelled of Chinese food and someone told me that's because the only people on campus in the summer are Asians . . . and darned if it isn't true. (It's funny 'cause it's racist!) All 3 of my professor/TA people this quarter are Chinese and two of them insist that we call them weird English names that sound nothing like their real names. Call me Mike, call me Monica. Are these the names they picked out in their English classes when they were 13? The other one's name is Yu. Hey Yu! Yeah . . . it's funnier after that bottle of wine.

I am a strategic sitter when it comes to labs. You have to pick your seat wisely because you're stuck with it for the rest of the quarter. You need to find at least one friendly face and if that means picking up your shit and moving after some serious looking kinda creepy old dude sits next to you--so fuckin' be it.

I'd really better start on that homework.

This summer I'm exposing bedbugs to UV light and seeing how quickly they kick it. Unfortunately that means bringing them home with me for round the clock observation. Those bastards are so frickin' double sealed it's ridiculous. There are more terrifying accounts regarding this subject but I haven't the energy right now.

BBC saves the summer! All the other shows are finished for the season but the BBC comes to the rescue. Might I recommend Case Histories with Jason Isaacs (Jason Isaacs!!!) or Scott and Bailey with the hot chick who played the Tardis in Dr. Who--that insane nose of hers--wow! Or Luther with the beautiful and amazing Idris Elba. Unfortunately there is no Saskia Reeves in the second season--another amazing nose there. Anyway, such goodness--go watch it.

Getting to work now. Ions!

(I'm noticing that I only post things on this blog after I've had a lot to drink. But it's not because I don't love you.)

How did I ever live without this person?

Actually I haven't lived without this person, because she is exactly what would happen if Mandy and my sister were blended into one drunk person.

slithering like so

http://www.buzzfeed.com/gavon/twin-babies-talk-about-the-bronx-zoo-cobra

whoah . . .

so anyway

Moira has this awesome blog that is full of nerdy teenageriness and maybe it's the vodka and the wine I'm trying to soporifify myself with (because I literally, and I mean literally, haven't slept in days and sleeping pills act like caffeine pills and it's finals week and whatever) but anyway . . . so endearing. http://moirasmanymonkeys.blogspot.com

I've had a lot to drink and I'm watching (new to me) reality tv instead of studying calculus--Kourtney and Kim take New York--yay! and now I'm going to watch that polygamy whatever show about white people who share a husband. Awesome. Hopefully, I'll be asleep soon. super

Sometimes at school

I walk down the stairs with my hands in my coat pockets.

Daredevil!

After the last three weeks I've had

I seriously need some Jesus.

Today as I sat down in Calculus

I saw a message on the board left by someone in the previous class. Written in plain sight beneath the answer .1736735i, the neat handwriting betrayed no sense of hurry or furtiveness. It was clearly a statement inspired by absolute certainty and conviction.

"no one likes math"

I suspect the TA.

Perfection

DRUNK BLOGGING!!!!

After this much alcohol, I surf YouTube and gasp!!! when I see Nedjelijom u jva 2008: Mira Furlan 2/7 and then watch the whole thing, even though I don't understand a single fucking thing they're saying. And Ben shouts from the kitchen, "NO Drunk Blogging!!!" Ha, ha, too late. Merry Christmas!

The internet brings me such joy

Glad

I'm not the only one

Just found a note

tucked inside a library book--"HELP ME!", scrawled in red pencil.

Made my day.

STRESS!!!

The insect collection is in, the lab final was aced, now just two final exams to go and an insectary to run almost single-handedly while my boss is away on a two week vacation in Asia. Along with the awesome BEES! video that Brad cheered me up with, this is also amusing me these days.

Tick collecting!

I spent this Thursday in Coshocton county with my advisor and another doctor of the microbiology persuasion. We were there hunting evil deer ticks potentially carrying Borrelia burgdorferi, the bacteria that causes Lyme disease. Historically deer ticks and Lyme disease haven't been an issue in Ohio. For some reason (still unknown) the ticks haven't established a population here, even though they're in states surrounding us.


This is what a tick looks like when you've gotten your camera too close and it starts to climb onto your lens. The thought process goes like this:
"That's weird. How is she standing on her hind legs like that, it's almost as if . . . Oh, shit!" I managed to lure her out from the inside of my camera and pop her into a tube. I don't know what I was more worried about--a tick gumming up the innards of my camera, or interfering with a scientific study by losing a specimen.

























We first went flagging (basically dragging canvas around) on a property owned by an Amish family. The mother was infected with Lyme disease a few years ago but was successfully treated with antibiotics. Unfortunately, we found about 50 deer ticks in just over an hour and a half. This sucks since they have two adorable little kids who like to play outside. William is about 4 and Mary is 5. Just imagine kids that look like this:



. . . but add neon colored nerf dart guns.
It was awesome. William tucked his into the back of his overalls and strutted around the house like he was the most bad-ass Amish thug eva'.

Obviously I don't know much about the Amish because this nerf thing really took me by surprise. I was a little disappointed. I thought it would be like stepping back into the 1800s, but the house wasn't any different than what we would have--well, I guess there weren't any electric lights, but there was a fridge, and a bathroom that I very much appreciated after a two hour drive following 3 cups of coffee.
But we happened to be crossing the street near the Amish school when it let out for the day and that did not disappoint--all the kids waving at the orange-clad oddballs (us) while riding in their mini-buggies and on their ponies.

We then headed out to check another property but came up empty. In the end, we checked two properties, 7 dogs (of varying degrees of smelliness), 1 deer checking station, and 1 deer that had been hit by a car.








































That would be my advisor, Dr. Needham, in the tasteful orange vest. We wore a lot of orange that day on account of our desire to not be shot. Apparently deer hunting season can be a challenge for entomologists.















A lot of orange.

























9 puppies shaped like sausages!









































































Nerds.

Just got a personal e-mail

from my professor saying 'Good job on the exam!'

Creepy or congratulatory? The jury is out.

In other news--got a B on my Pre-Calculus exam and I'm pretty sure I won't get an A in the class, SOOOOO, who wants to come to my End of the 4.0 Party? There will be booze and strippers. Okay, just booze, but that should be enough, right?

Recent Evie-ry

Evie: "Read this. Say this country."

Me: "Hungary."

Evie: "Ha, ha, ha! I know! Hungary! That's so funny!"

Ah, a third grader's knee-slapper.

The Insectary details no one's asking for

Day One:
1. Moved newly hatched stick insects into containers with the larger ones. Gave them a refreshing spritz with distilled water.
Newbie Death Toll:
One small to medium sized guy that I accidentally squished with the nymph container (fortunately a local species). Kept this to myself.

2. Trimmed wicks and cleaned outside of water containers for large Milkweed Bugs. (A lot of the insects get their water from the tips of cotton wicks that hang out of the side of lidded water containers.) Fed them milkweed seeds.
Newbie Death Toll:
4 or 5 guys who were stuck to the bottom of the first water container and were accidentally drowned and scalded with hot water. Kept this to myself, quickly flushed them down the drain to avoid discovery. Thoroughly checked bottoms of containers from then on.


3. Crushed the heads of 100 mealworms (so they wouldn't crawl away) and fed them to Assassin bugs using veeeery long forceps. Successfully trimmed the wicks, refilled and replaced Assassin bug water container without being bitten.
Newbie Death Toll:
Nobody but the mealworms

4. Removed all flour beetles from 16 jars and identified/threw away the dead ones. (More time consuming than you would imagine since these guys are excellent at playing dead.) Sorted through 20 petry dishes, removed dead beetles and replaced with live, removed old food and replaced with new, cleaned eggs off glass egglayey things and brushed all the eggs into a new jar.

5. Listened to stories and learned that Carpenter Bee females can sting through gloves, paper wasps can't sting through even latex gloves.

Day 2:
1. Went to the RPAC and took part in the Heath and Wellness Fair. Stood at a table and educated people about ticks and bed bugs. Grossed a lot of people out, but brought the gift of knowledge to many. I was there with George, head of the insectary, and my advisor, Dr. Needham, as well as a container full of bed bugs--it was taped shut.















2. Did all that stick insect business again. No deaths today. I have decided I don't like the Australian stick insect nymphs--they're fast, they hang onto the forceps, and they look threatening.



















3. Mixed up food for the mealworms--baby cereal, honey and glycerin. My hands now feel very smooth.

4. Listened to stories and learned that
a) if you're stung on the head by a scorpion, your face will go numb
b) if you have an Egyptian Cobra and it gets loose in your house, your wife will leave you

I was just notified by e-mail

that YouTube had identified my video "Evie's Performance" as containing music owned by Sony Music Entertainment. I had forgotten I even had such a video and went to check out what it was. I'm sure once you view it, you too will realize what a horrific encroachment I have made into Sony Music profits. I think they've graciously chosen not to censor my video, choosing instead to identify the music and its ownership. Now you know where to buy it. I just hope they don't sue her school.

I knew this kid in Oxford

Selfish Humankind


Okay, you should also watch this one.
R.E.? No, Numeracy.

Yesterday when heading to church

we were sitting at a light minding our own business. The light turned green, we started moving, and then a pedestrian came running across the street right in front of our car. I swore (in a way that was especially appropriate for someone on their way to church), Ben hit the breaks, and all was well. Then a block later the guilt set in and I explained to the girls, "I wasn't really swearing back there--I honestly thought that guy was Jesus." And Evie in an incredulous voice said, "He doesn't even look like that in books."

The grossest way to announce your wife is pregnant

"There's a little Monkey in her belly and I put it there."

I'm still in shock I used to hang out with this person.

Have a few drinks and then watch this

you won't be disappointed



I think it's better without sound as it seems that this family (though immensely supportive and encouraging) has attended too many rodeos over the years. There may also be some sort of rooster in the background.

Lonely

I'm so glad we have Stella back--otherwise the quiet may have driven me insane. (Oh, by the way, we have Stella back.) Ben has orientation today and the girls are back in school, so I'm sitting here aimless and lonely, waiting for George from the insectary at OSU to e-mail me and tell me I have a job and to get myself down to campus. There are plenty of things I could be doing . . . cleaning, memorizing periodic tables and reviewing my Entomology notes so I don't look like an idiot to George. Buuuuut, instead I'll just whine about how quiet the house is.

Stella is settling in nicely. She sleeps in the exact same place and has a surprising amount of energy for an old dog. I expected her to behave a little more . . . elderly, but she seems perky and always up for a walk or two . . . or five. The only thing I've noticed is that she doesn't want to climb the stairs anymore. But it's okay if she just wants to hang out downstairs. Okay, the nostalgia is over as the air is filled with the smell of dog fart.

Since I'm so behind in my blogging, I'll give a quick recap of this past quarter at school.

Microbiology--FUN!!! I've already talked to the coordinator about a possible minor. I loves me my bacteria.
Favorite Microbiology lecturer quote (to be read with an Indian accent): "Science is not nonsense." Yeah, you put that student in his place. Runner up: "No questions? None at all? I call this as the Monday Syndrome." (I love this lady's Indian use of "as" and "which"--for some reason they get unnecessarily inserted into almost every sentence. She's super brilliant though so I'm sure no one will ever correct her, though I really wanted to raise my hand and tell her that reservoir is not pronounced "resa-voy-er")

Math--still fun, I must admit. I loves me my story problems.
Favorite lecturer quote (to be read with a Cuban accent): "For the love of all that is good and holy, don't combine these--they are NOT the same."
Runners up:
--"If these problems involve animals, don't give me a decimal. If you tell me you have .5 rabbits, that's just creepy."
--"Ship, sheep, cheap--I say them all the same. And I never know the difference between 'steak' and 'stake'. There is no difference? Oh . . . good."
--"Plug that in and you'll get a y value and a lot of other crap."
--Our lowest two quiz grades were dropped in this class and I liked his proposal for how I should drop my final quiz grade by leaving early. "You could just wait until the quiz was getting passed out and then stand up and say, 'I have had enough of this!' and walk out." He sounded a lot like Don Quixote saying that. In the end I just meekly took the quiz sheet with me and left. The people around me did look a little bewildered, but it lacked the flair he was imagining.

The bus--still interesting.
--There's the old guy who speaks really sloooooowly, evangelizes everyone and must, MUST, speak to every foreign student near him and use the one word of their language that he knows. This often leads to insulting situations because he can't tell the difference between any nationalities. So you often hear responses like, "I don't understand you. I'm Korean not Chinese." "No, I'm Portuguese, I don't speak Spanish . . . I speak Portuguese." My favorite cringe moment--telling the Chinese girl the Korean joke. "How do you know it was a Korean who broke into your house? Your dog is missing and your homework is done. . . . That's a joke . . . because Koreans eat dogs . . . " The explanation went on for much longer than that, but the klaxon on my inner insensitivity meter went off and I couldn't hear the rest.

Then there's The Pirate. I don't know his real name, just my own cruel label (because why should old evangelicals have all the fun?) He's a down and out older guy with either Tourettes or some basic mental health issues. None of that is funny . . . but bear with me. Our first encounter scared the crap out of me. I was at a bus stop on a side street with no one else around and this slightly creepy guy suddenly started growling and making these sounds that could only be described as classic pirate--ARRRR! ARRRR! I seriously expected him to follow it up with 'Me hearties!' I began to slowly inch away, oh so casually, so as not to alarm him, subtly drifting from my previous location . . . okay, to tell the truth, I pretty much hauled ass. But I still had to wait for the bus, so I remained nearby--but not too nearby--basically out of danger from cutlass attack, but still within flintlock pistol range. So if he had one of those babies concealed somewhere on his person, I was screwed. Since then I've decided he's harmless . . . probably. He's also expanded his repertoire (pronounced rep-a-toy-er) to include what sounds like Bobby McFerrin playing the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. Listening to that makes me genuinely happy . . . which it shouldn't . . . because it's sad . . . but it's not sad . . . because it's Bobby McFerrin as the Swedish Chef, which could never be sad. Anyway, I'm torn.

Sometimes the sadness of the bus gets a little overwhelming. There have been times when I've actually considered just getting off, bailing miles before my stop, because I think I can't handle it any more. I had that feeling as I sat and listened to a girl talk on her phone about getting a "good job" after graduation--like grooming dogs at PetSmart. Her family had told her that she'd never get a job, that working was just not what her family did, but she really wanted to go for that brass ring . . . of 8 dollars an hour. I was depressed for most of the evening after that. Then there was the other day when I had to share a seat with the Pirate and watch this other sad impoverished man try to sleep sitting up in one of the side seats. If only he'd picked a place where he could rest his head on the back of the seat in front of him. But no, there he was with nothing to brace himself, leaning over farther and farther until it looked like gravity would finally win out and send him crashing to the floor. But each time he was about to exceed the angle of repose, he would sit up and it would all begin again. I wanted to cry, but at the same time, I really wanted to see him fall. I believe this is what is referred to as the duality of human nature--or maybe it's just mean. Either way, I was a little disappointed when I got off the bus without seeing him sprawled out on the floor with a thud.

Time to go! I guess this wasn't such a brief update after all.

Beware

you might just laugh until you pee a little

To celebrate Prop 8 being overturned

Math!

I don't know if this is child abuse

or the baby just ate his way into that thing.

You're gonna write a sad poem in your journal and move on

I DON'T WANT TO STUDY ANYMORE!!!!

Friday seems so far away.

I was going to do a photo blog of our Chicago trip

but I've been putting up photos on flickr all day and I'm pooped. So instead I'll simply show you the two weirdest things I saw in Chicago.


Because nothing says martial arts like the name Fitgerald.


The Michael Jackson mummy at the Field Museum.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Ben is attending the first sibling breakfast and I'm home with a sick, sick Evie. This isn't the first time they've ever eaten breakfast together--that would be CRAZY. Nope, this is just the first sibling breakfast to be inspired by the show Parenthood (WATCH it!!!). They're out at some cafe bonding and being all sibling-y and I am jealous. I should be studying for my Rural Soc. final, but I suddenly realized that I probably didn't finish the final problem on my math exam last night--I think I was probably supposed to solve it and I just simplified it and walked away. Suck!!! So in true neurotic fashion I can't focus on anything else. Weeeeeee!

Evie is home today, shortening her last week of school. Where are our immune systems lately? I left for the exam last night at 5 and she said she was sleepy--this made sense considering the fact that she woke up more than an hour early. But when I came home she had fallen asleep on the floor and was burning up. I woke her up to take her temperature and it was 102. What the heck? Didn't she just get over this cold? Do we really need to cycle through this again? Hopefully she didn't pass anything on to Ella and Sophie--the guilt would be too much for me.

I now love CSI. And like Mandy, I don't even feel ashamed about it anymore. What has happened to me?

Ben and I both agree that going to the zoo when it is full of screaming kids and impatient parents is one of the best birth controls ever. And it is also guaranteed to make you feel skinny. I spend my days on campus where almost everyone is somehow thin and perfect, meaning my self-esteem grows thinner and thinner by the day. Someone should have told me to visit the zoo! I walked out of there on Sunday feeling practically anorexic. I also walked out of there with a renewed love of winter--a time when people wear clothes, because most of us just really need to wear more. We went to the zoo this time just to see the Polar Bears and the new Arctic stuff. We didn't realize that this weekend was the switch-over to later hours, so our plan to get there just before closing and have the place to ourselves didn't work out. It was hot, it was crowded, and those damn bears just sat in the shade and panted. (Why do they have Polar Bears outside in an Ohio summer???) There's a plexiglass viewing area under the exhibit that lets you see an underwater view of the Polar Bears swimming. Did they swim? No. Did they move? No. Loser bears.

I started this post because I had something witty to say, but I think that was just a dream.

I will go study now. And it will be fun because it is Rural Soc. and it will involve things like cults and orgasms--yep, you read me right.

CSI

Since I've been sick I've been avoiding homework and basically any responsibility in general. To fill my time I've obeyed Anne and Mandy's wishes and started watching CSI. Yesterday I began season 2. I watched the first 5 episodes in one evening--told you, NO responsibility. Today I'm on my second, no third, episode and just noticed they slipped in some nipple on one of the female cadavers. Was this missed by the network or was it just included on the DVD version? I have to say I was pretty shocked. Not out of any sense of morality--I think we all know my morals have been shot to hell. Nope, just the whole nipple on network tv thing. And am I mistaken or did Grissom yell "assholes" at the cadavers in the pilot? Also a surprise.

Why all the alliteration in this show? Gil Grissom? Sara Sidle? Who thought these up? And does anyone think the name Sara Sidle sounds too much like 'suicidal'? Every time they say her name I have a vision of Garbage Pail Kids. I really think I used to have a Sara Sidle card.

Well, I'm off to finish my episode. Hopefully it won't get any more revealing--sheesh!

Moira:

"I'm in the mood for a documentary."

Yes, I'm sure you are.






P.S.

Spider bite on my hip. I swear to God they're out to get me.

Feeling crappy

I've skipped three classes now because of this stupid cold. Today I dragged myself to math but then went home instead of going to Econ. (By the way, that B was for reals--even with the curve. I think someone should bake me a big frickin' cake.) I barely made it through the 45 minutes of math, sitting in the back row measuring every breath so it didn't trigger a big hacking cough. This is after the big dose of DayQuil--I think maybe I'm immune now. And to make things worse, I pulled a muscle coughing, so it KILLS every time I cough. PITY ME!!!!!!!

The Enter key broke off of our crap computer, making it even crappier. Thank you, Dell, for crafting the most comprehensive piece of shit computer ever made.

Feeling positive.

Is anyone still watching Lost . . . I am.

But whatever you're watching, you should include Treme. And Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara. And you should stop watching V even though I can't. I feel dirty and disappointed after every episode, and yet I return. Why did they cancel Trauma and keep V? And Castle has become so disappointing lately--I find myself giving up on episodes half way through. But for Mandy and Anne I have started CSI. I'm almost through season 1 and I still don't think it's 'good' but I am beginning to appreciate the shameless cheese. And with ten seasons it gives me plenty to watch while I sit on the couch and cough. I can't decide on Justified--sometimes the episodes are solid and other times just too comedic. I don't know if they know what they're going for yet.

I have so many COTA bus stories to tell, but my energy wanes. Today it was fat lascivious driver day--he hits on all the young women, especially tall, skinny redheads. But at least he's cheerful and entertaining--it makes up for all the toe-curling moments.

A friend of ours is pregnant but frustratingly keeping it quiet until . . . I don't know when. I'm guessing when she starts getting really huge, it will become apparent even to the people she doesn't feel like sharing with. So Ben can't send her this on Facebook like I requested. I'm really hoping they'll feel inspired and go for this name too--whether it's a boy or a girl.