But I really need help identifying that damnable song. I hear it everywhere! It's haunting me! And yet I have no idea what the heck it is or where it's originally from. Help!
But I must confess this did make me laugh.
And what's with "toghether"?
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
A Downward Spiral Into 80s Memories
My sister and I never missed an episode. Each week my mom actually consented to pulling the mattress off my bed and dragging it out into the living room for us so we could hysterically jump and dance for the whole hour. Who says television makes you sedentary?
It's That Time Of Year
I'm not at all in a Christmassy sort of mood. I think it might be the weather--it's just been too warm and non-snowy like. Not that I'm complaining about being able to take my kids to the park in absolute comfort or going for walks without a jacket or anything. It's just not triggering the Christmas spirit that's all.
So it was a bit of a shock when they started doing Christmas songs at church last Saturday. What?!? I walked in here without a coat and you want me to sing Joy to the World? Not happenin'. I just completely zoned out and stared at the Christmas trees up on the stage mentally critiquing the decorations.
But I need to get a Christmas music collection going. I think Ben ran over my Carpenters
Christmas album with the car. My Mixed Nuts soundtrack was sold. I have NO Christmas music except for a cd of the Kings College Choir from Ben K. Any album suggestions? I'm looking for something on the more reverent side. We've got plenty of crass favorites already. Ben's is the Squirrel Nut Zippers' Santa Clause is Smokin' Reefer. My absolute favorite Christmas song is The Christians and the Pagans by Dar Williams.
So it was a bit of a shock when they started doing Christmas songs at church last Saturday. What?!? I walked in here without a coat and you want me to sing Joy to the World? Not happenin'. I just completely zoned out and stared at the Christmas trees up on the stage mentally critiquing the decorations.
But I need to get a Christmas music collection going. I think Ben ran over my Carpenters
Christmas album with the car. My Mixed Nuts soundtrack was sold. I have NO Christmas music except for a cd of the Kings College Choir from Ben K. Any album suggestions? I'm looking for something on the more reverent side. We've got plenty of crass favorites already. Ben's is the Squirrel Nut Zippers' Santa Clause is Smokin' Reefer. My absolute favorite Christmas song is The Christians and the Pagans by Dar Williams.Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday,
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay."
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with red dye number three.
He told his niece, "It's Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style,"
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and its been awhile,"
So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said,
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses.
The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a hitch,
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, "Is it true that you're a witch?"
His mom jumped up and said, "The pies are burning," and she hit the kitchen,
And it was Jane who spoke, she said, "It's true, your cousin's not a Christian,"
"But we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share,
And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere."
So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And where does magic come from? I think magic's in the learning,
'Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning.
When Amber tried to do the dishes, her aunt said, "Really, no, don't bother."
Amber's uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and like her father.
He thought about his brother, how they hadn't spoken in a year,
He thought he'd call him up and say, "It's Christmas and your daughter's here."
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, saw his own son tug his sleeve, saying,
"Can I be a Pagan?" Dad said, "We'll discuss it when they leave."
So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold.
Of course, Sarah Silverman's Give the Jew Girl Toys is right up there too. See? We need something decent people listen to, something you can listen to with your kids and not have to look over your shoulder for Children's Services. But not that Christmas Time is Here song from Charlie Brown--talk about making people want to jump off bridges, that's got to be THE most depressing Christmas song ever.
I'm also looking to get a Christmas movie collection going. So far the list includes A Christmas Story, Mixed Nuts (one of my fav. movies ever), Elf, and, much to Ben's chagrin, I want Home Alone. For some reason that stupid movie full of gratuitous violence and juvenile humor really gets me in the holiday spirit. I used to own It's a Wonderful Life but I'm much too cynical for Zuzu's petals anymore.
So any suggestions for music or movies would be much appreciated.
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay."
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with red dye number three.
He told his niece, "It's Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style,"
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and its been awhile,"
So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said,
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses.
The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a hitch,
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, "Is it true that you're a witch?"
His mom jumped up and said, "The pies are burning," and she hit the kitchen,
And it was Jane who spoke, she said, "It's true, your cousin's not a Christian,"
"But we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share,
And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere."
So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And where does magic come from? I think magic's in the learning,
'Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning.
When Amber tried to do the dishes, her aunt said, "Really, no, don't bother."
Amber's uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and like her father.
He thought about his brother, how they hadn't spoken in a year,
He thought he'd call him up and say, "It's Christmas and your daughter's here."
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, saw his own son tug his sleeve, saying,
"Can I be a Pagan?" Dad said, "We'll discuss it when they leave."
So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold.
Of course, Sarah Silverman's Give the Jew Girl Toys is right up there too. See? We need something decent people listen to, something you can listen to with your kids and not have to look over your shoulder for Children's Services. But not that Christmas Time is Here song from Charlie Brown--talk about making people want to jump off bridges, that's got to be THE most depressing Christmas song ever.
I'm also looking to get a Christmas movie collection going. So far the list includes A Christmas Story, Mixed Nuts (one of my fav. movies ever), Elf, and, much to Ben's chagrin, I want Home Alone. For some reason that stupid movie full of gratuitous violence and juvenile humor really gets me in the holiday spirit. I used to own It's a Wonderful Life but I'm much too cynical for Zuzu's petals anymore.
So any suggestions for music or movies would be much appreciated.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Liberals Love Penguins
This is my second penguin post for November. Yay! I've never had a great affinity for penguins, but apparently I need to work on that since I'm a liberal.
Liberals love penguins. Liberals love nature. Liberals are evil. Therefore, Christians should support overfishing and not give a rat's ass about penguins. This is what I learned over the weekend . . . well, minus the rat's ass part, but I love that phrase and this is my blog and I can say whatever goes through my head which is a lot more than ever comes out of my mouth which I'm sure all of you except Ben have noticed because Ben gets to hear it all.
Anyway. This all has to do with the movie Happy Feet. We went out to dinner with a group of people after church and my friend was giving her impressions of the film which, according to her, had a definite liberal bias. Whoa! I was intrigued. She had prefaced this by talking about the films sexual undertones (seductive female penguins) that were a little much for a kid's movie. That I have no problem with. Sexy penguins and kids definitely don't mix. But liberal penguins--tell me more! I thought maybe there were George Bush jokes. It sounded promising. But it turns out there's a penguin with one of those soda ring things stuck around his neck AND there are people overfishing and thereby endangering the penguins food supply.
She said that and I kept waiting--Where's the liberal part? Where are the humorous gay penguins? Then it sunk in that any concern for the environment was liberal. BAD. In a children's film no less! What is this world coming to?!? Brainwashed children everywhere are going to start (*gulp*) caring!
I was in complete shock. This was my friend. I thought I knew this woman. I thought everyone loves penguins and wants them to . . . eat. I thought overfishing and damage to the environment were universally considered to be (at least) unfortunate. I mean, I don't expect Christians to be vegetarians, but why do they hate penguins? These people recycle! I don't go to an uber conservative church, I thought my friends were kind of normal! AAAAAAAAA!
It was at this point in the conversation that I wanted to stand up on the table and shout, "OH MY GOD, I WANNA HAVE NANCY PELOSI'S BABY!" And Ben was about to go into a long discussion about the biblical basis for environmentalism, but he heard me mumbling under my breath and thought I was shushing him. Missed opportunity on both the environment and Nancy Pelosi. Bummer.
People, when the Bible says have dominion over the earth, I think we all need to go back to our thesauruses and realize that dominion is not a synonym for destruction and degradation. The point of this statement is that humanity should be like God, who made order out of chaos. Destroying the environment destroys order and brings about chaos. See how that's kind of just a liiiiiiiiittle bit opposite of what God thinks we should be doing?
"I am cute. Why do you hate me?"
Liberals love penguins. Liberals love nature. Liberals are evil. Therefore, Christians should support overfishing and not give a rat's ass about penguins. This is what I learned over the weekend . . . well, minus the rat's ass part, but I love that phrase and this is my blog and I can say whatever goes through my head which is a lot more than ever comes out of my mouth which I'm sure all of you except Ben have noticed because Ben gets to hear it all.
Anyway. This all has to do with the movie Happy Feet. We went out to dinner with a group of people after church and my friend was giving her impressions of the film which, according to her, had a definite liberal bias. Whoa! I was intrigued. She had prefaced this by talking about the films sexual undertones (seductive female penguins) that were a little much for a kid's movie. That I have no problem with. Sexy penguins and kids definitely don't mix. But liberal penguins--tell me more! I thought maybe there were George Bush jokes. It sounded promising. But it turns out there's a penguin with one of those soda ring things stuck around his neck AND there are people overfishing and thereby endangering the penguins food supply.
She said that and I kept waiting--Where's the liberal part? Where are the humorous gay penguins? Then it sunk in that any concern for the environment was liberal. BAD. In a children's film no less! What is this world coming to?!? Brainwashed children everywhere are going to start (*gulp*) caring!I was in complete shock. This was my friend. I thought I knew this woman. I thought everyone loves penguins and wants them to . . . eat. I thought overfishing and damage to the environment were universally considered to be (at least) unfortunate. I mean, I don't expect Christians to be vegetarians, but why do they hate penguins? These people recycle! I don't go to an uber conservative church, I thought my friends were kind of normal! AAAAAAAAA!
It was at this point in the conversation that I wanted to stand up on the table and shout, "OH MY GOD, I WANNA HAVE NANCY PELOSI'S BABY!" And Ben was about to go into a long discussion about the biblical basis for environmentalism, but he heard me mumbling under my breath and thought I was shushing him. Missed opportunity on both the environment and Nancy Pelosi. Bummer.
People, when the Bible says have dominion over the earth, I think we all need to go back to our thesauruses and realize that dominion is not a synonym for destruction and degradation. The point of this statement is that humanity should be like God, who made order out of chaos. Destroying the environment destroys order and brings about chaos. See how that's kind of just a liiiiiiiiittle bit opposite of what God thinks we should be doing?
"I am cute. Why do you hate me?"Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Ah, Conflict--The Perfect Cure For Boredom
Well, all the batteries that could have hoped to operate my camera were dead--so don't worry, Brice, there will be no new feet pictures. Instead I decided to put on a whole lot of make-up and get dressed up for no reason. Fun!
But Ben was cranky because there was no food he wanted to eat and he went out to get stuff to make some foo foo mushroom soup and Meijer didn't have the two ingredients he needed. So he ran out to get a veggie pizza but remained in his foul mood. This mood was not alleviated by my cute outfit (which is fitting oh so well due to some recent successful exercising--woo-hoo!) and this greatly annoyed me. He was reciprocally annoyed with me for not having any good food in the house and never* making anything good. So I got re-annoyed with him for being annoyed with me and stalked off to Anita's to whine about it.
To my knowledge I have never whined to anyone about Ben before and was really looking forward to the chance to test this out. However, Anita was totally levelheaded and reasonable about the whole thing and actually had me in the mood to apologize by the time I left her place. (WHEN has THAT ever happened before?!? I only apologize after Ben initiates apology time.) And she also said I looked skinny which always puts a girl in a good mood.
So after I actually apologized first (*gasp*) I told Ben everything Anita said and he replied (I want this on the record), "I LIKE her. Remind me to make her some cookies." AND (this is the one I REALLY want on the record) "Maybe India isn't that bad after all." So maybe if I apologize first all the time and remind him that Anita taught me to do it, maybe, just maybe, my plans for an orphanage in the third world will become a reality. It's so simple!
*not true
But Ben was cranky because there was no food he wanted to eat and he went out to get stuff to make some foo foo mushroom soup and Meijer didn't have the two ingredients he needed. So he ran out to get a veggie pizza but remained in his foul mood. This mood was not alleviated by my cute outfit (which is fitting oh so well due to some recent successful exercising--woo-hoo!) and this greatly annoyed me. He was reciprocally annoyed with me for not having any good food in the house and never* making anything good. So I got re-annoyed with him for being annoyed with me and stalked off to Anita's to whine about it.
To my knowledge I have never whined to anyone about Ben before and was really looking forward to the chance to test this out. However, Anita was totally levelheaded and reasonable about the whole thing and actually had me in the mood to apologize by the time I left her place. (WHEN has THAT ever happened before?!? I only apologize after Ben initiates apology time.) And she also said I looked skinny which always puts a girl in a good mood.
So after I actually apologized first (*gasp*) I told Ben everything Anita said and he replied (I want this on the record), "I LIKE her. Remind me to make her some cookies." AND (this is the one I REALLY want on the record) "Maybe India isn't that bad after all." So maybe if I apologize first all the time and remind him that Anita taught me to do it, maybe, just maybe, my plans for an orphanage in the third world will become a reality. It's so simple!
*not true
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
AAAAARRRRRRGGGGG!
I am BORED, BORED, BORED! And yet I have no desire to do anything. That makes it difficult to relieve said boredom. Poo!
The last time I was bored I took pictures of my feet.
Boooooored.
Where's my camera?
The last time I was bored I took pictures of my feet.
Boooooored.
Where's my camera?
So Evie and Moira Love Star Trek IV
You know--the silly one with the whales. But Evie keeps referring to it as Star Crack and it's really painfully funny.Obviously I have nothing to post about so I'll end it here.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
The GAME
I feel like I should post about this simply to justify the fact that I didn't go to church last night because of a . . . football game. Now I'm officially one of THOSE people. But it was so fun to be one of THOSE people.
Our Indian Extravaganza was even more of an extravaganza than I thought it would be. We had rice, palak paneer, aloo gobhi, samosas, chole, raita, naan, chapati, and even some papad to snack on with mango chutney and mango pickle. Mmmmmm. Oh, and there were some dessert things that I thought were fine but Julie was disgusted by. It wasn't instant disgust, however, and it was fun to watch her continue trying it in order to decide just how much she hated it. And I am proud to announce my chapati breakthrough--after almost a year and a half of practice they are finally consistently puffing up properly! Woo-hoo! Makes me feel like Gandhi's wife.
I'm cursing myself for forgetting my camera, but I'm sure Ben K. will have some pictures up on his blog soon. It was so fun cooking and watching OSU kick some Michigan booty and wondering if tattoos are a requirement for playing football and then calling Mandy at half time since her number is free. And it was so fun pretending I knew what was going on and so fun yelling and screaming when I did know what was going on. And it was so sad when everyone's screaming and clapping made little Ella cry. I hope it doesn't put her off sports.
Anyway, it was a good night. Sorry to all ten people that went to church last night because they had to.
Our Indian Extravaganza was even more of an extravaganza than I thought it would be. We had rice, palak paneer, aloo gobhi, samosas, chole, raita, naan, chapati, and even some papad to snack on with mango chutney and mango pickle. Mmmmmm. Oh, and there were some dessert things that I thought were fine but Julie was disgusted by. It wasn't instant disgust, however, and it was fun to watch her continue trying it in order to decide just how much she hated it. And I am proud to announce my chapati breakthrough--after almost a year and a half of practice they are finally consistently puffing up properly! Woo-hoo! Makes me feel like Gandhi's wife.
I'm cursing myself for forgetting my camera, but I'm sure Ben K. will have some pictures up on his blog soon. It was so fun cooking and watching OSU kick some Michigan booty and wondering if tattoos are a requirement for playing football and then calling Mandy at half time since her number is free. And it was so fun pretending I knew what was going on and so fun yelling and screaming when I did know what was going on. And it was so sad when everyone's screaming and clapping made little Ella cry. I hope it doesn't put her off sports.
Anyway, it was a good night. Sorry to all ten people that went to church last night because they had to.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Got An E-Mail From The Defenders Of Wildlife
The subject line said Adopt a Penguin, Warm a Heart. Of course, since I have this fantastic ability to misread just about anything, I read Adopt a Pagan, Warm a Heart.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Anxiety Dreams And Run-On Sentences
Last night I had the briefest of dreams about alligators in the creek that I played in as a kid. In the dream I was my now adult self and thought to my now adult self, Wow--I'm so surprised my parents let us play there by ourselves since alligators live in there. Then I thought, That's definitely a blogworthy topic. But then I reasoned with my asleep self--"Wouldn't it be too cold for alligators to live in our creek? I really don't think my paranoid parents would let us play with alligators. Hey, I bet this is a dream." That's when I woke up.
Alligators are a big part of my anxiety dreams. I don't know if everyone is like this, but when I'm worried about something it tends to come out in my dreams in specific forms. Usually it's the following (conveniently ordered according to frequency):
1. Tornadoes
2. Crocodillian species
3. Tsunamis
4. Important people stopping by when my house is absolutely, supernaturally trashed
Sadly, being worried for me extends to such stupid things as really needing to clean my bathroom. (My last anxiety dream was related to that so in the dream I was going to babysit for Annie Lennox and my house was in shambles esp. the bathroom and her daughter had to use the bathroom and I actually went running out of the house carrying this girl to a bathroom somewhere else and I looked down and the girl had turned into someone I knew in high school but was never really good friends with so why was SHE in my dream? And Annie Lennox had the biggest white SUV you have ever seen parked in my garage and I was SO disappointed in her. Annie Lennox is the destroyer, man.) I think the brief alligator dream is related to the fact that I still haven't decided what food I'm going to make for tomorrow's Indian Extravaganza/OSU-Michigan game at Ben and Julie's tomorrow and I need to go to the Indian grocery today and I need to make sure that my kitchen is spotless because Anita's going to come over and help me cook tonight AND I need to go to the dollar store for something at church that's completely unrelated to all this. See the connection to alligators?
This isn't quite related but it was so heartbreaking and strange that I'm going to include it. The other night I told Evie it was time for bed and she needed to go brush her teeth. Usually this isn't that big of a deal, I get some brief whining but that's it. This time, however, she became absolutely distraught and confused.
Evie (in tearful, you just ran over my puppy kind of voice)--"Brush my teeth? Why? Bed time?!? But it's not bedtime!
Me--Yes it is. It's past 8 o'clock.
Evie--No, it's not bedtime!
Me--Yes, it is. Now go brush your teeth.
Evie--It's not bedtime! We already went to bed today!
Me--Honey, that was last night.
Evie--But we just got up!
Me--Evie, you've been awake and playing for an entire day and now it's time to go to sleep again.
Evie--(more general whining and disbelief)
It was like a sad argument with a dementia patient.
Alligators are a big part of my anxiety dreams. I don't know if everyone is like this, but when I'm worried about something it tends to come out in my dreams in specific forms. Usually it's the following (conveniently ordered according to frequency):
1. Tornadoes
2. Crocodillian species
3. Tsunamis
4. Important people stopping by when my house is absolutely, supernaturally trashed
Sadly, being worried for me extends to such stupid things as really needing to clean my bathroom. (My last anxiety dream was related to that so in the dream I was going to babysit for Annie Lennox and my house was in shambles esp. the bathroom and her daughter had to use the bathroom and I actually went running out of the house carrying this girl to a bathroom somewhere else and I looked down and the girl had turned into someone I knew in high school but was never really good friends with so why was SHE in my dream? And Annie Lennox had the biggest white SUV you have ever seen parked in my garage and I was SO disappointed in her. Annie Lennox is the destroyer, man.) I think the brief alligator dream is related to the fact that I still haven't decided what food I'm going to make for tomorrow's Indian Extravaganza/OSU-Michigan game at Ben and Julie's tomorrow and I need to go to the Indian grocery today and I need to make sure that my kitchen is spotless because Anita's going to come over and help me cook tonight AND I need to go to the dollar store for something at church that's completely unrelated to all this. See the connection to alligators?
This isn't quite related but it was so heartbreaking and strange that I'm going to include it. The other night I told Evie it was time for bed and she needed to go brush her teeth. Usually this isn't that big of a deal, I get some brief whining but that's it. This time, however, she became absolutely distraught and confused.
Evie (in tearful, you just ran over my puppy kind of voice)--"Brush my teeth? Why? Bed time?!? But it's not bedtime!
Me--Yes it is. It's past 8 o'clock.
Evie--No, it's not bedtime!
Me--Yes, it is. Now go brush your teeth.
Evie--It's not bedtime! We already went to bed today!
Me--Honey, that was last night.
Evie--But we just got up!
Me--Evie, you've been awake and playing for an entire day and now it's time to go to sleep again.
Evie--(more general whining and disbelief)
It was like a sad argument with a dementia patient.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Social Studies And It's Hidden Dangers
Evie just burst into tears while I was reading to Moira about Captain James Cook's death at the hands of the native Hawaiians. Poor him.
Can You Believe It's Been So Long Since I've Had Anything To Say
Until this morning the most interesting thing that's happened was our cafeteria nostalgia dinner of canned green beans with mashed potatoes that I dished out with the ice cream scooper. Why I did this I don't know.
Canned green beans (ha! the first time I wrote that I reversed the spellings--grean beens) are not good and yet our family really likes them. Intellectually I recognize that they don't taste good--rubbery vegetal bits that have soaked up the metallic flavor of the can shouldn't taste good--but I sooooooo like them. And since they have zero nutritional value I rarely buy them except as a nostalgic treat. (We are so easily pleased.) I feel the same way about ketchup--it doesn't taste good but, boy, do I enjoy it.
And on to the interesting things--This morning I was drinking tea with Anita and discussing her recent Christian adventure. There's this woman who has a daughter in the same class as Diksha who is married to an Indian guy. She and Anita have become friends and the two families have gotten together over dinner and cricket tournaments and now . . . Indian Christianity. This disturbs me. This woman, nice as she is, has bumper stickers on her car that say, GET OUT OF HELL FREE and GOT JESUS? So I was ready to kick her ass if she tried to pull my friend into her twisted evangelical world. And then I find out they invited Anita and fam. to this Christian Hindi music/teaching thing from an Indian couple now living in Canada and traveling around doing this or something, I dunno. What I do know is that I was instantly pissed.
This makes me sound like a horrible person, I know. Yes, I think everyone should be a follower of Jesus, but I don't think they should be Bible thumped, scared by hell and convinced of God's supposed sadistic hatred of them to get there. Nonetheless, I was cautiously optimistic-- m
aybe Anita would learn something that I just couldn't convey through our language barrier. Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions, maybe these people weren't what I had them pegged for. Sadly, however, I was all too right. It sounded like the Hindi version of Jim and Tammy Faye. I guess the lady was up there crying and that she talked about praying and then hearing Jesus audibly answer her. So this morning Anita asked me, "Do you talk to Jesus?" I asked her if she meant prayer because she already knows I pray. But she wanted to know if Jesus actually talked back.
This puts me in an awkward position. Anita was impressed by these people. She thought they had a lot of "power." They talked about what wonderful things Jesus had done for their lives including something about their children's education (I wasn't too clear on that part). And supposedly listening to the cd of their music will make all your problems go away. I hate this. It forces me to play the part of the ugly cynic. I got to say, "Um, no Jesus doesn't talk to me and if somebody says he talks to them, I would guess they were crazy. And maybe listening to the music will relax you, but it's not going to fix your problems." Not exactly the powerful testament to faith I would like to present.
I want Anita to know about Jesus but I don't want her to put Jesus in the magic category along with all the other superstitious stuff that tags along with Hinduism. Jesus isn't a guarantee of health, wealth and educational opportunity. That's what Anita wants out of religion and it's just not something I can give her with my faith. What am I supposed to say? "We've seen a bunch of Christian people get cancer and die. We know a Christian couple who's one year old died of an infection despite intense medical care. We know a Christian couple who's two year old has cancer." Great sales pitch. How do you wean a person off magical thinking when reality is so potentially dismal?
The bummer is that our conversation was cut short by a knock at the door (no, it wasn't Jesus) and I had to go to the store instead of discuss the finer points of the Christian faith. Maybe later.
Canned green beans (ha! the first time I wrote that I reversed the spellings--grean beens) are not good and yet our family really likes them. Intellectually I recognize that they don't taste good--rubbery vegetal bits that have soaked up the metallic flavor of the can shouldn't taste good--but I sooooooo like them. And since they have zero nutritional value I rarely buy them except as a nostalgic treat. (We are so easily pleased.) I feel the same way about ketchup--it doesn't taste good but, boy, do I enjoy it.
And on to the interesting things--This morning I was drinking tea with Anita and discussing her recent Christian adventure. There's this woman who has a daughter in the same class as Diksha who is married to an Indian guy. She and Anita have become friends and the two families have gotten together over dinner and cricket tournaments and now . . . Indian Christianity. This disturbs me. This woman, nice as she is, has bumper stickers on her car that say, GET OUT OF HELL FREE and GOT JESUS? So I was ready to kick her ass if she tried to pull my friend into her twisted evangelical world. And then I find out they invited Anita and fam. to this Christian Hindi music/teaching thing from an Indian couple now living in Canada and traveling around doing this or something, I dunno. What I do know is that I was instantly pissed.
This makes me sound like a horrible person, I know. Yes, I think everyone should be a follower of Jesus, but I don't think they should be Bible thumped, scared by hell and convinced of God's supposed sadistic hatred of them to get there. Nonetheless, I was cautiously optimistic-- m
aybe Anita would learn something that I just couldn't convey through our language barrier. Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions, maybe these people weren't what I had them pegged for. Sadly, however, I was all too right. It sounded like the Hindi version of Jim and Tammy Faye. I guess the lady was up there crying and that she talked about praying and then hearing Jesus audibly answer her. So this morning Anita asked me, "Do you talk to Jesus?" I asked her if she meant prayer because she already knows I pray. But she wanted to know if Jesus actually talked back.This puts me in an awkward position. Anita was impressed by these people. She thought they had a lot of "power." They talked about what wonderful things Jesus had done for their lives including something about their children's education (I wasn't too clear on that part). And supposedly listening to the cd of their music will make all your problems go away. I hate this. It forces me to play the part of the ugly cynic. I got to say, "Um, no Jesus doesn't talk to me and if somebody says he talks to them, I would guess they were crazy. And maybe listening to the music will relax you, but it's not going to fix your problems." Not exactly the powerful testament to faith I would like to present.
I want Anita to know about Jesus but I don't want her to put Jesus in the magic category along with all the other superstitious stuff that tags along with Hinduism. Jesus isn't a guarantee of health, wealth and educational opportunity. That's what Anita wants out of religion and it's just not something I can give her with my faith. What am I supposed to say? "We've seen a bunch of Christian people get cancer and die. We know a Christian couple who's one year old died of an infection despite intense medical care. We know a Christian couple who's two year old has cancer." Great sales pitch. How do you wean a person off magical thinking when reality is so potentially dismal?
The bummer is that our conversation was cut short by a knock at the door (no, it wasn't Jesus) and I had to go to the store instead of discuss the finer points of the Christian faith. Maybe later.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
I'm Feeling Icky
And the really horrible part is that it's so nice outside--in the 60s with no rain. I feel like I need to take the kids to the zoo. I also feel like I have tuberculosis. That's the dilemma.
Once Upon A Time . . .
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Would You Like To Take A Survey?
No, it doesn't involve questions about George Wendt and/or beans.We watched Imaginary Heroes last night. Gooooooood movie.
Oh wait! I promised I was going to review a new movie someday. Okay, we saw Man of the Year a few weeks ago. It was fine, but all the really funny parts were already out there on Yahoo along with the trailer. So I guess if you watch those, you're set. There was, however, one scene that totally scared the crap out of me. The humiliation of jumping up in my seat and going "AAA!" wasn't as great as it could have been since the lady sitting two seats away from me did the same thing. Later there was another much less "AAA!" scene that didn't surprise me at all but she jumped then too. And I got to think, "Loser." I don't know if this was a review or not, but I just wanted to tell everyone that we actually saw a movie in the theater.
Anyway, back to Imaginary Heroes. Goooooooood movie. Did I already say that? And back to that survey. There's a recurring theme in the movie involving the stars and how they've been there forever and how in a hundred years no one will remember who we are but the stars will still be the same. What are your first thoughts when you hear that? When you think about being just a blip on the radar screen, what do you feel? I think our different responses to this question probably show a lot about our personalities, but since I don't have the answer key, I guess it's kind of pointless.
I remember being horrified the first time I heard the lyrics for Over Our Heads, that Jon Brion song he did for I Heart Huckabees.
So what you’re never understood?
Big deal you’re doomed to die
Oh, oh
Nothing ever lasts
It all gets torn to shreds
If something’s everlasting
It’s over our heads
It’s over our heads
Think your troubles are so serious
Well one day you’ll be so…long gone
Cause nothing ever lasts
It all gets torn to shreds
If something’s everlasting
It’s over our heads
It’s over our heads--
It’s over our heads
The idea of being completely erased from this earth with no one to remember me felt terrifying. But after a while I found that song kind of comforting. And that's the way I felt with the stars idea. What's that passage from Psalms? Man is like a breath, a passing shadow? That just doesn't summon up those feelings of existential dread like it once did. I think before my reasoning was more in line with the Jewish idea that if we have the spirit of God, his breath and image, we'll live on forever vs. living like an animal and dying the death of an animal, our breath returning to the dust. Basically, yes, that's scary but don't worry. But now I don't even get the initial scariness of it, instead it conjures up feelings of freedom. We're a breath that no one can own, no one can pin us down and keep us for themselves. In a hundred years no one will know who we are. And even if we are by some chance remembered in a history book or some geneology chart, it will only be a name and a collection of facts. Without the experiential, the real us can never be known again.
It all gives me a feeling of ownership--this is my time, no one else's. I don't have to think about forever, just now. I don't have to think about being remembered. This doesn't mean that I want to live only for myself or life is meaningless because it's temporal. It just means . . . I don't know.
Would you like to take a survey?
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Yay! It's Time To Vote! (and other bits of miscellanea)
Today the girls and I have made some real progress in our colds. We've moved beyond the runny noses (so pedestrian) to the deep, satisfying yet painful cough with sore throat and residual phlegm. (FUN word to spell!) Just thought everyone would like to know what our house sounded like this morning as everyone woke up. Ben seemed to be in a real hurry to leave too.
Today we get to vote. I hope I'll be coughing then too. Fear the contagion, voters! I thought I'd bring some latex gloves and slowly put them on, making sure to do that ominous snap at the end right before I vote.
So, Brice, did you guys still want to come over for dinner this week?
Church on Saturday was so fun, probably because we didn't actually go. Evie was drugged up on cold medicine and fell asleep in the car. So after taking Moira to her class, Ben and I thought we'd be holding a sleeping Evie and staying in the cafe watching the teaching on the tvs instead of sitting in the sanctuary. Evie woke up, however, and decided that she did want to go to class. That is until she saw the cheese and crackers. So Evie ate crackers and we helped serve coffee and talked to our friends, Terri and Kim who were working in the cafe. Evie finally went to her class waaaaaay late, but instead of heading into the sanctuary, we stayed in the cafe and yakked and yakked. Then the service was over and somehow there began a time of reminiscing in which Saturday cartoons and this guy came up. (ENJOY!) Later the Carpenters (Ben's mus
ical version of hell) figured into the picture and it was absolutely blissful to have other people help me annoy him by singing Close To You. Love the Carpenters! And then we went out to eat with a bunch of people. It was a good night.
On Sunday Anita made some chole and, since she LOVES me, and since she knows that's my favorite Indian food (other than mattar paneer which, when done right, can make your eyes roll up into your head and visions of Nirvana take over your mind, but since Nirvana is technically non-existence then those must be imaginary visions) she brought me some. Yum! And then later I discovered something amazing--I was hankering for my after 11 o'clock snack and there was nothing in the fridge. I felt sad until I realized that the butter container to the left was NOT butter. It was a reused container full of chole. Gadzooks! But there wasn't enough left to fill that after 11 need, I had to supplement. So I threw shredded cheese on top. Wow! Cold chole with shredded cheese--AWESOME!
I like this word awesome. I never used to use it. But this seems to be a word people like and I've been trying it out especially with kids. "You're AWESOME!" "That's AWESOME!"
I've been wondering something, and maybe all you people out there who hold a similar belief in the existence of the immortal soul might help me. Do you think it's possible that if you watched Kill Bill Volumes 1 and 2 followed immediately by Sarah Silverman's Jesus Is Magic you could lose your soul?
I don't know, but it'd be fun to try.
WARNING: The following clips are NOT appropriate for nice people.
You're Gonna Die Soon
Give The Jew Girl Toys
Okay, just a few more--it's so hard to choose!
I Love You More
Martin Luther King
Today we get to vote. I hope I'll be coughing then too. Fear the contagion, voters! I thought I'd bring some latex gloves and slowly put them on, making sure to do that ominous snap at the end right before I vote.
So, Brice, did you guys still want to come over for dinner this week?Church on Saturday was so fun, probably because we didn't actually go. Evie was drugged up on cold medicine and fell asleep in the car. So after taking Moira to her class, Ben and I thought we'd be holding a sleeping Evie and staying in the cafe watching the teaching on the tvs instead of sitting in the sanctuary. Evie woke up, however, and decided that she did want to go to class. That is until she saw the cheese and crackers. So Evie ate crackers and we helped serve coffee and talked to our friends, Terri and Kim who were working in the cafe. Evie finally went to her class waaaaaay late, but instead of heading into the sanctuary, we stayed in the cafe and yakked and yakked. Then the service was over and somehow there began a time of reminiscing in which Saturday cartoons and this guy came up. (ENJOY!) Later the Carpenters (Ben's mus
ical version of hell) figured into the picture and it was absolutely blissful to have other people help me annoy him by singing Close To You. Love the Carpenters! And then we went out to eat with a bunch of people. It was a good night.On Sunday Anita made some chole and, since she LOVES me, and since she knows that's my favorite Indian food (other than mattar paneer which, when done right, can make your eyes roll up into your head and visions of Nirvana take over your mind, but since Nirvana is technically non-existence then those must be imaginary visions) she brought me some. Yum! And then later I discovered something amazing--I was hankering for my after 11 o'clock snack and there was nothing in the fridge. I felt sad until I realized that the butter container to the left was NOT butter. It was a reused container full of chole. Gadzooks! But there wasn't enough left to fill that after 11 need, I had to supplement. So I threw shredded cheese on top. Wow! Cold chole with shredded cheese--AWESOME!
I like this word awesome. I never used to use it. But this seems to be a word people like and I've been trying it out especially with kids. "You're AWESOME!" "That's AWESOME!"
I've been wondering something, and maybe all you people out there who hold a similar belief in the existence of the immortal soul might help me. Do you think it's possible that if you watched Kill Bill Volumes 1 and 2 followed immediately by Sarah Silverman's Jesus Is Magic you could lose your soul?
I don't know, but it'd be fun to try.
WARNING: The following clips are NOT appropriate for nice people.
You're Gonna Die Soon
Give The Jew Girl Toys
Okay, just a few more--it's so hard to choose!
I Love You More
Martin Luther King
Monday, November 06, 2006
You Tube Is My Enabler
What I laughed my head off over last week--
And this is definitely the one for this week--
And this is definitely the one for this week--
Saturday, November 04, 2006
A Little Parental Bragging
Today was Moira's last soccer game. It was supposed to be last week but it got rained out. Most of the team couldn't make it today so it was Moira and three other girls. Now remember this whole soccer league is just for fun, non-competitive, blah, blah, blah. So our coach goes over to the other team who had at least 8 players and asked if some of their girls wanted to come over to play on our team to make things more even. Nobody moved. The other coaches didn't even respond. Then I saw the other coach busily looking at her roster and I thought she must be one of those anal retetive people who need everything to be perfectly worked out and she was probably just rearranging things so some of her girls could be on our team. But no.
So those 4 girls played the entire game and you know what--they KICKED BUTT! 3-1! (Not that anyone keeps score.) They were awesome! It was the best game they played all season. I was so proud. So shouts out to Katie, Brooke, McKenna and Moira! You chicks rock!
So those 4 girls played the entire game and you know what--they KICKED BUTT! 3-1! (Not that anyone keeps score.) They were awesome! It was the best game they played all season. I was so proud. So shouts out to Katie, Brooke, McKenna and Moira! You chicks rock!
Friday, November 03, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Oh, Professor Balmer, You Had Me At Hello
Or at least the preface.
This morning I started reading Thy Kingdom Come, An Evangelical's Lament--How The Religious Right Distorts The Faith And Threatens America.
These are the first two paragraphs--
"I write as a jilted lover. The evangelical faith that nurtured me as a child and sustains me as an adult has been hijacked by right-wing zealots who have distorted the gospel of Jesus Christ, defaulted on the noble legacy of nineteenth-century evangelical activism, and failed to appreciate the genius of the First Amendment. They appear not to have read the same New Testament that I open before me every morning at the kitchen counter. When they do quote the Bible, they wrench passages out of context and offer pinched, literalistic interpretations--of the Genesis account of creation, for instance--that diminish the scriptures by robbing them of their larger meaning.
The effect of this right-wing takeover has been a poisoning of public discourse and a distortion of the faith. Leaders of the Religious Right have managed to persuade many of my fellow evangelical Christians that it is something akin to sin to vote for anyone who is not a Republican, a perception that the Republican Party has done nothing to discourage. Since its formation in the late 1970s, the Religious Right, a loose federation of politically conservative evangelicals, has become the Republican Party's most reliable constituency, supplying the base of volunteers and voters that organized labor once provided for the Democratic Party."
I'm thrilled with this book so far because it is completely lacking in any of the name calling and general nastiness that comes with politics these days. (Although I must admit I do enjoy that sort of thing when it comes from Al Franken.) And I'm practically giddy about the first chapter--Strange Bedfellows: The Abortion Myth, Homosexuality, and the Ruse of Selective Literalism. I'm so tired of "morality"= anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage, end of story. Let's all forget about war, genocide, poverty, oppression, destruction of God's creation for profit,
etc.
Speaking of politics, why is Ann Coulter so mean? Some people say it's because she's actually a man. After seeing her legs, I'm pretty much convinced. So knowing that and how tortured her soul must be to psychologically turn on herself like that and become a radically hateful Right Wing (son of a?) bitch in order to stamp out her former identity, I feel absolute compassion for her. Say a prayer for Ann today.
Speaking of transexuality, we saw Transamerica last night. Felicity Huffman is AMAZING! The whole male prostitution thing was difficult, but I would still highly recommend it . . . the film, not male prostitution.
(Someday I'm going to review a NEW movie . . . really.)
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Mothers Are Singlehandedly Destroying The World
with their SUVs and their formula fed, sick all the time, daycare children with ear infections and their trips to the doctor/antibiotic pimp and their subsequent paranoia about germs and their overuse of antibacterial hand sanitizer (that doesn't even protect against the viruses that cause those colds they're so afraid of) that are increasing the number of resistent bacterias that are killing all the people that survive the pollution caused by the SUVs.
This is in no way meant to offend:
Mothers
SUV owners
Mothers who choose not to breast feed
Children
Sick children
Daycares
Mothers who send children to daycare
Daycare workers
Users of hand sanitizer
People ignorant to the effects of antibacterial products and their overuse
Doctors
People who pollute
Jews
or
Homosexuals
(Those last two were just added for good measure.)
This is in no way meant to offend:
Mothers
SUV owners
Mothers who choose not to breast feed
Children
Sick children
Daycares
Mothers who send children to daycare
Daycare workers
Users of hand sanitizer
People ignorant to the effects of antibacterial products and their overuse
Doctors
People who pollute
Jews
or
Homosexuals
(Those last two were just added for good measure.)
When The Bible Says "Let Your Light Shine Before All Men"
. . . does that exclude flicking off your best friend's 12 year old son right in front of her?
Totally hypothetical question.
Totally hypothetical question.
Incoherent Ramblings Of The Drugged
Well, I'm not currently drugged, but I feel like I am. Whoever gave me this evil cold should be punished. Ben was so sweet yesterday and stayed home to take care of the kids so I could spend the day in bed feeling horrible. And he went out shopping and made lunch with all organic ingredients and kindly endured my griping over him spending too much money on said organic ingredients and harping on everyone to clean up.
Typing right now feels really fun and floaty like my head is sailing away while my fingers move really really fast but really really slow at the same time. Ooooooooooooooooooo...
I'm learning to drink black coffee and feeling really grown up doing it. Haaaaaard Core.
On Sunday I felt like Miss community helper. I helped Avnish with his homework at 11:30. Then at 1:00 I helped Ariful with his homework. Then at 2:30 I helped Arju move her furniture around. Sometime around 4 Avnish made a surprise visit with two bags of carrots for me to chop in my food processor for his mom. And later that night I returned a lost dog to his owner. And now that I've told you that I've completely lost my reward in heaven. "I'm Helpfuuuuuuuuul!"
Once we were teaching the concept of humility in Sunday school. At the end we were posing
little "What would you do if ..." scenarios for the kids. Never ask children to practice humility. Actually humility should never be addressed ever for anyone. But anyway, I swear to God, this one kid did the Super Man one arm up in the air thing looking like he was going to blast off and said, "I'm Huuuuuuuumble!" True story.
Moira's learning about Galileo. Galileo is cool. Have I addressed the problem with schools and review? Well, here I go. Why do we have to review so much? Why do we bother teaching things if we're just going to teach the same thing the next year? What happened to progressing? I remember learning about simple machines in 8th grade. 8th grade! We did the whole simple machine thing last year in 2nd grade. And then I open the book
and what are we studying first in science this year? Simple machines. And now we're onto planets. Why should the 9 (maybe 8 now) planets be studied year after year after year? Moira knew the names and order of the planets before she started school. So why in 3rd grade are we doing the same thing? Well, we're not doing the same thing because we decided we'd learn all the inaccurate theories about the universe instead. So we're mocking Ptolemy and we're admiring Copernicus and his wise decision to publish his heretical ideas the day he died. Good ol' Copernicus thumbing his nose at the Catholic church--"Ha, ha! Can't burn me now!"
And we're feeling sad for Giordano Bruno who did get burned.
And did you know that Brahe the astronomer guy had a fake metal nose because it was cut off in a duel? Talk about the things kids should be learning!
Well, that's enough of that.
Typing right now feels really fun and floaty like my head is sailing away while my fingers move really really fast but really really slow at the same time. Ooooooooooooooooooo...
I'm learning to drink black coffee and feeling really grown up doing it. Haaaaaard Core.
On Sunday I felt like Miss community helper. I helped Avnish with his homework at 11:30. Then at 1:00 I helped Ariful with his homework. Then at 2:30 I helped Arju move her furniture around. Sometime around 4 Avnish made a surprise visit with two bags of carrots for me to chop in my food processor for his mom. And later that night I returned a lost dog to his owner. And now that I've told you that I've completely lost my reward in heaven. "I'm Helpfuuuuuuuuul!"
Once we were teaching the concept of humility in Sunday school. At the end we were posing
little "What would you do if ..." scenarios for the kids. Never ask children to practice humility. Actually humility should never be addressed ever for anyone. But anyway, I swear to God, this one kid did the Super Man one arm up in the air thing looking like he was going to blast off and said, "I'm Huuuuuuuumble!" True story.Moira's learning about Galileo. Galileo is cool. Have I addressed the problem with schools and review? Well, here I go. Why do we have to review so much? Why do we bother teaching things if we're just going to teach the same thing the next year? What happened to progressing? I remember learning about simple machines in 8th grade. 8th grade! We did the whole simple machine thing last year in 2nd grade. And then I open the book
and what are we studying first in science this year? Simple machines. And now we're onto planets. Why should the 9 (maybe 8 now) planets be studied year after year after year? Moira knew the names and order of the planets before she started school. So why in 3rd grade are we doing the same thing? Well, we're not doing the same thing because we decided we'd learn all the inaccurate theories about the universe instead. So we're mocking Ptolemy and we're admiring Copernicus and his wise decision to publish his heretical ideas the day he died. Good ol' Copernicus thumbing his nose at the Catholic church--"Ha, ha! Can't burn me now!"
And we're feeling sad for Giordano Bruno who did get burned.And did you know that Brahe the astronomer guy had a fake metal nose because it was cut off in a duel? Talk about the things kids should be learning!
Well, that's enough of that.
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